A year and a half or so ago, I met a vibrant and engaging woman at a networking event for entrepreneurial moms called Northwest Enterprising Moms. Here business was both fascinating and unique and much needed in this world of information overload.
Amy Lang is the author of Birds+Bees+YOUR Kids and teaches parents how to talk to children of all ages about the birds and the bees. Here is an article she wrote:
Sexualized culture – how we got here, what it means and what to do about it!
The best source for information about this topic is the book So Sexy, So Soon, by Diane Levin and Jean Kilbourne. They write about this topic in a way that’s easy to understand, helpful and encouraging. Most of what I talk about here is from their book. Go buy it. Seriously.
Before we start this conversation, you need to know what “sexualized” means. According to Levin and Kilbourne it means adult-like sexuality, and also, objectification – looking at someone like they are a thing – their value comes from sexual appeal, how they look, physical attractiveness.
WHAT HAPPENED?
Sex sells and it sells to kids too. Or at least looking and acting “grown up” sells to kids. Unfortunately, this means sex. Media and marketing are to blame for exploiting our kids, not us, at least not consciously. We are unconscious about what’s happening because it’s happening to us too.
Marketers narrowly focus what children want to buy into gender stereotypes – for girls this means fashion items, looking pretty, acting sexy. For boys, it’s action toys, weapons, video games, “entertainment violence.” Ick. So, girls see boys’ involvement with violence and boys see girls involvement with sexiness and they are making decisions about what’s important.
Most of the time these are exactly the decisions we don’t want our kids making about themselves or each other.
A new Kaiser Family Foundation study shows children 8 to 18 watch about 4 hours a day of TV. They found that kids are exposed to a total of more than 7 hours a day of entertainment media consumption which includes TV, video, video games, texting and listening to music.
The problem isn’t that kids are learning about sex, the problem is what they are learning, the age they are learning it and who is teaching it. Which ain’t us, sadly.
If you think about your own childhood and the sexualized messages you received and then think about today’s TV, music, clothing, you can learn a lot. What’s the difference now? And what is the impact on our kids?
WHAT’S THE IMPACT?
Something called “age compression” is the impact. Children become involved in and learn about sexual issues and behavior they do not yet have the intellectual or emotional ability to understand and this can confuse and harm them.
Children see that sex and sexiness are the focus of relationships between teens and adults. It’s normal to judge people by how they look, and what they buy. And for boys, aggression and violence are the way to solve problems.
As I mentioned before, these are not the messages we want our kids getting. Self image, the nature of relationships, sex and sexuality are all influenced in ways that most parents don’t agree with. What happens is this undermines parents teaching the lessons they do need to learn about the role of sex in caring relationships.
WHAT TO DO?
These are all tips from www.sosexysosoon.com the link is below. What are you willing to do for your kids?
- Limit exposure to sexual content in media and pop culture.
- Keep up with children’s media and popular culture.
- Have meaningful conversations with children about sexual issues.
- Help children use play and art to meet their needs.
- Reduce gender stereotypes.
- Establish safe channels of communication.
- Teach how to have positive relationships.
And finally, talk, talk, talk about what they are seeing, wearing, watching, listening to, hearing, and thinking. The more you express your opinion, talk about your values and help them to form their own, the better they will do.
Amy Lang, MA teaches parents how to talk to their children of any age about the birds and the bees. She is the author of Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids – A guide to sharing your beliefs about sexuality, love, and relationships a Mom’s Choice Award® winner. To learn more tips and tricks for talking to your kids and to sign up for her newsletter, visit her website – www.BirdsAndBeesAndKids.com
How are you going to talk to your children about the birds and the bees?
